Dear Lady Gaga,

Dear Lady GAG ME,
I have not ever been a fan of your "music", but this display is repulsive. You are not making a fashion statement. I hope animal activists are breathing down your neck right now.
Sincerley, Would like to release a pack of hungry wolves on you.

I hate Lady Gaga. Who seriously wears a dress made out of Meat to the VMA's? Or a dress made out of meat period. They sold this dress afterwards for $100000.
WHO THE HELL BUYS a dress for that amount that is going to spoil? Or even a dress for that amount??? I would love to even see that amount in my bank account.
WTF!!!!!!

Christmas Caroling!

Last night while driving home from Xmas eve dinner, the kids started singing Christmas songs. Zoey started singing The 12 Days of Christmas! Here is her version:
4 calling birds. 3 french hens. 2 turtle doves & a palm tree in a man treeeee.

LOL!!!!!!!! Im not sure what a man tree is, But ill take it! ;)

Naughty or Nice?!

Yesterday I "forgot" to pick Zach up from school. I am sorry. Actually to be honest I knew what time it was I just fell asleep. I woke up to a call from the school. Oopsie. This is my worst fear as a parent. I always want Zach to feel secure and know he is taken care of. So I left him at school to prove this..... :( Then I fell asleep again for 2 hours after we were home. (my work hours tonight are 2am-6am...I was tired!!!!) This was a problem because he came and asked me for a drink and I told him one minute.

2 hours later........

He had gotten it himself. :( After I get up we go to Walmart. On the way there I tell him sorry for being a "bad mommy" that day. His response .."Its ok mom. I will not ever unlove you. You were just being a little bit naughty" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I burst out laughing. And he said ..."Santa knows. You might get a lump of coal now." Oh my!!!!! I have been pounding that into his head this month. hahahaha. Maybe I deserve one!! :)

1000 Words

They say a picture speaks 1000 words.

I just loved this picture, thought Id share it.

Chain of command!

We believe in the chain of authority in my house. If I am tormented, I torment Zach. And as you can see he torments the cat!
LOL... She is hating life! :)

Lets have a cocktail!

Last year Joel had a cocktail party that I was invited to. We had only been dating for a few months and I didn't want to become that clingy girl at his party so pretty sure I drank enough that I was in the bathroom chillin all night long. Haha. But hey, I wasn't clingy!!!!
Here is last year:


Here are a few from this year. We threw our own party, and I successfully stayed out of the bathroom!This was my first actual party Ive ever hosted. It was fun, nobody stole anything. + It was a mess but only took me 2 hours to clean everything and that includes mopping. Sweet!

I love this pic! You can see my cute purple tights that match Hoss' shirt. Then the red cup matches Pauls shirt. Everyone else in black! I am in love with color coordinating pics. I love sadie hawkins. Haha.

I made Joel match me. Ok, It was his idea but I was all for it!

Oh my. My cute Kitty. Checkin out some leftover White Merlot! My 2 loves. Wine+Kitty!



Now my main motive for this is getting a dress & dressing up. Let me explain this process. I bought one 2 weeks before the party. Loved it. Tried it on for Joel and he said it was too short. :( I guess he doesn't like my legs??? LOL!!!!! bought another one that I loved 3 days before the party, but this wasn't going to happen either because I felt like a football linebacker. I swear my shoulders are like a mans. So here I am the night before the party at the mall having a serious issue. And I COULD NOT find a dress that fit for the life of me. Isn't that how it always is. Finally I got this one. I really like it and everything worked out. Haha.

Happy Holidays! :)

Big words are hard!

Z:"Mom, I know what Unazarous means."
Me: "Oh really? Cuz I dont..."
Z: "Yeah, if I want to go to the park. And you do. And Joel does, and Zoey does, We dont need to take a vote because it is Unazarous."
Me: "Oh (Laughing) you mean unanimous?"
Z:"Mom.... thats what I said"

:)

Cosmopolitan!

I got a kitty!!!! Cosmopolitan(Yes after the drink!), Cosmo-girl. She is so cute!!! She is my baby. I love her because she is anti social sometimes and a social butterfly other times (Much like myself), and she will come and sleep by you or sit on your lap. She comes and keeps me company in the mornings while I am getting ready for work and will sit in the sink and purr at me. She is also playful but has only drawn blood once while biting. And it was my MOM. Hahahahaha! My mom hates kitties.
Isn't she Sweet?!

The Worst Songs of All Time!

WHY ARE THEY ON MY IPOD????

1.Usher. Dj got us fallin in love.
Really Usher? I hate you right now. I love Usher. I have all of his albums and all of his singles. I also watch his videos on YouTube so I can look at his bod. I am not attracted to muscles on guys usually. Unless you are an african american R&B singer. That is the only time. Dj got us fallin in love is his worst song of all time. for these reasons....A)He sounds like S*#T when singing this song Live. Ive witnessed it on 4 occasions. B) I would like to give credit to myself and my partner if I am feelin the music and "into" each other. Not the song. C) This line right here "Swear I seen you before. think I remember those eyes eyes eyes. eyes eyes eyes" omg. He noticed the womans eyes he is falling in love with... 6 times. D) This line "Dance dance like its the last last night of your life life" Please be a little more creative. I do not need to listen to every word twice!

2. Boys II Men remake of 'When I fall in Love'
I am sorry but this is a little too much old fashion R&B even for me. Songs become popular because they are catchy. I understand they want to re-make the song. But they are changing it to much. It sounds like CRAP! I do not like it when the lyrics are over, yet the tune is still going and so the artist throws in a "aaahhhooooohhh" drawn out for 16.7 seconds. END THE LYRIC! And when remaking a song dont repeat the same line 3 times to make it your own. It is the same lyric!!!!! DO NOT.

3. Backstreet Boys 'Show me the meaning of being Lonely"
This song really is so dumb. Why would you want to feel lonely, I just listened to the whole song & the name of it is Show me the meaning of being lonely. Then the whole song they are complaing about being lonely. Well maybe she heard the song and thought it sounded like a good idea to walk away from you. "Theres no where to run. I have no place to go. Surrender your mind body and soul. How can it be your askin me to feel things you never shoowwwww" What? the next line was "why cant I be where you are?" If hes not with her...then how did she not show him how to be lonely? I hate this song.

4.Heavy D and the Boyz 'Now that we found love'
This is the song at the end of Hitch that they are dancing to. "Now that we found love, what are we gonna dooooo. with it?" that is the only part they sing the whole song the rest is a horrible 90s rap. Anyone that knows me knows I Effing LOVE the 90s. I am very discontent about this song. During the rap he repeats Now. about 8,398 times...and the song doesn't have any kind of conclusion. It has a very annoying beat. I hate this song and to be honest have no idea how it is on my Ipod. I need it off my Itunes and out of my life.

Now that I am the most negative person on the planet.I would like to knowWhy Fantasia has a reality show? Does anyone care what she is doing? I sure dont.

His Award.

The certificate says: Zachary is a very pleasant student with a positive attitude. He obeys the rules and listens to the teacher. He is a friend to all.

Not to toot my own horn here. BUT THAT IS MY BOY!!!! Im so glad he is a good boy. I mean of course I taught him to be, but you never know with kids. My parents taught me the same thing and I was a pain in the royal A in Kindergarten. I am not sure what happened but I would leave my house and turn into a terror...I am happy to see that Zach doesn't do this.... hahaha!



Haha! He held that upside down the whole time. Silly Zach. :)

Zach got an AWARD!

I am a proud Mommy!!!!
Zach just got the "PRINCIPALS PRIDE AWARD" from his school. He got it for being in the top of his class in Kindergarten :)
He gets his picture taken and his accomplishment on the display wall on the bulletin board by the principals office for a week! His name will be announced over the school news and he will be called to the library to recieve a certificate and an award!

I GET TO GO TO THE PRESENTATION!!!! Luckily it is my off week so I will not miss it!

I am so proud of him and how well he is doing in school... He is sounding out words so well!! I sure love that kid! :)

GOOD JOB ZACHIE!!!!!!

Lets be Realistic!

Realistic: interested in, concerned with, or based on what is real or practical: resembling or simulating real life,or pertaining to realists or realism.Ok I am very guilty of this. I can't even watch movies if I am thinking "What? That would never happen....." I have a very hard time with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Avatar. Because for 1) That would never happen. & for 2) It doesn't make any sense. and for A) WHY? and B) WTF!!!!!! is that creature, and why do they know english?!
Unfortunantly for my son he is the same way. (or maybe fortunatly for him...Depending how you look at it) He is always trying to make sense of things & I love listening to him do this.
Zachie singing:"Well I stuck my head in a lil skunks hole and the lil skunk said Oh bless my soul. take it out, take it out, take it out, take it out. Remoooveeee it." MOM WHY WOULD SOMEONE STICK THEIR HEAD IN A SKUNKS HOLE?? HOW DO YOU EVEN FIND A SKUNKS HOLE?? SKUNKS LIVE IN HOLES??!!!

2 peas in a pod! :)

Arguments!

I am sure unbeknownst as to why, everyone has argued with their small child. I have argued with Zach about why he cannot have cookies before breakfast. For breakfast. I have argued with him about cleaning his room. Why he cannot wear what he has put on himself. Why he has to get his hair done. I have argued with him about how long he can watch TV and why. Why he can't watch certain movies. I also argued with him about why he cannot drink coffee. This is the argument I just listened to him have with Zoey...

Zoe: You are way bossy
Zach: SO are you.
Zoe: You are mean. You know where mean people go?
Zach: No
Zoe: They go to live with the devil. and you will go there because you lie
Zach: No I do not lie. The devil is a spirit. its not even a person. I am not even dead yet.
Zoe: SO. When you die you will go there. You hurt my feelings
Zach: Why does that matter. Im still not going to live with the devil.
Zoe: you hurt my feelings. You need to say sorry
Zach: ok. sorry. Zoe: Brooke! Zach is being mean. The devil is not a spirit, is it?
Me: Um. I dont know. You guys need to get along please.

LOL!!!!!!! My boy is a sassafrass. No! He didn't get that from me ;)

$10

What I would like to do with $10:
*Buy 2 Coffee's
*Wash my car
*Get a redbox movie (Because lets be honest, this is how much it really costs me!)
*See a movie in a theatre.. Even better
*Take Zachie to subway & watch him eat a whole 6inch + Chips
*Buy cheap Wine
*Put 1/4 tank of gas in my car that I hate
*Buy a new Ipod cover
HOWEVER....This is what I did with the $10.....
I wanted to get my nails done. It has been almost 2 years since I have, and I feel like I deserve to have them for a minute. I go to little China (No it is not really called that... Obviously...) to get them done because Asians are the best at this. I go in & am not awknowledged by lil lady for over 3 minutes... This should have been my first clue. Finally I ask her (she is the only one in the shop.. and she is sitting in a pedi chair watching Tv...) "ARE YOU OPEN???????" She walks over & some lil man comes in from outside and says "you siii her"(you sit here?) lil lady says 'mawiquo'(manicure?) I nod and tell her "full set" I can see she is not understanding because she is filing my real nails tip, She would not be doing that if she was planning on covering them with a fake tip. I ask her if she is going to do Tips for me? She says "yes yes"... I can see this is not going to happen when she starts lotioning my hands. I am getting severly annoyed with this woman. I point at the acrylic and tell her "I want this... You use this?" I am trying to talk english she might understand. Apparently she thinks I like the color? She tells me "k, wah you hans" As she is pointing to the sink. FINE. I AM DONE WITH THIS!!!!!! Afterwards she paints tips on my real nails and puts the pink color on the top so it is darker. This woman has annoyed me more than anyone in a long time! I am sorry but she lives in America. It would be benificial for her to learn some english. Especially when it pertains to her line of work. Seriously, So arrogant. I didn't want to pay the $10 but I knew that I wouldn't be able to explain why!!!! "Teh Dolla" I paid it. Then I felt like a huge ass for not tipping her... Because she is stupid~ excuse the french ;) She didn't realize she did anything wrong. I felt like I was punishing a small child. She looks at me, looks at the reciept, looks back at me. She should have been able to feel the tension in that room from my glare though. You could have cut it with a knife! THERE IS AN ELEPHANT IN HERE BUT LETS NOT TALK ABOUT IT mostly because she wouldn't understand me!!! Oh my....... I was so damn pissed!
"Yo cah bak marrow. no prin recit..." I DONT NEED MY RECIEPT. GET ME OUT OF LITTLE CHINA!!!!!!!!!!
Here is the finished product.

What was she thinking???? Well we all know what I was thinking.
Have a nice day and do not visit China on 7000 S Redwood rd. It is No Good.

Groovin Baby!

About to get my groove on! Albums coming out within 2 months:
1.Rihanna. Nov 16th
However I do not like her new album cover. Or the fact that I can't preview any of the songs on it on Itunes. Cmon. Really?
2. Jagged Edge
I do not know when this is coming out. It was suppose to be Sept but it didn't get released and all the info I can find just say 2010 :( It is Part II of The baby making project. THE REMEDY Uhhhmmmm HELLO!!? All the reviews on this album are lacking. I loved this album. It makes me want to....... Make a baby!
3. Neyo
Yes Please. I love me an artist that writes all of his own music + other good music that popular artists sing. L.O.V.E!!!
4. AVANT!!!!!!!!
Oh my. I ♥ HIM!!!!!! He is my favorite. DEC 7th! THE LETTER! I will be the crazy ass at the store at 12:01am to buy this (ok not really bc I will not leave my house at midnight to go to walmart) But that is how badly I want this album!

Disclaimer. 2 of the artists on this list have callabirated and are doing shows together. WHY ARE THEY ALL IN THE SOUTH??? I would kill to go to a JE/Avant show. Whoever I was with would pretty much be made love to, AT THE SHOW! TMI? yea sorry about that. This is actually the show I bought tickets for in HOUSTON TX earlier this year. It was called Ladies Night Out. I am already overheating. Bahahaha. I want go so bad!!!! anyway.
WOO HOO for new R&B albums. I am in love!!!!

Hallows ween!!!

This was Jakes year to have Zachie, and I heard he got soaked trick or treating this year. Stupid weather in Utah, Go figure. He was a ninja turtle, and I am waiting to see pictures... I have to wait til they are emailed to me :( The only one i have is this one...

Its from his school class when I peeked into his room after the parade. The parade was cute except for the fact that the kids thought it was a race through time, because this was the only pic I could get of that...

Zach didn't want to wear clothes under his costume!!! Not to worry, I won that argument.

I was planing on being a leprechaun and that didn't work out so well. This was decided after I had bought green things. Ie: eyelashes/tights/earrings. So I used them and became a christmas elf. I made my whole costume myself. I think it is cute!

Drunken Tale time:
Joel locked his keys in the car. We called my friends hubby to come get us. 2:30am We piled all 5 of us into the car. I layed across the 3 in the back. The middle girl in the back got sicken, and puken. We stopped the car and all of us jumped out as if it were on fire & ran around a little, Then I helped clean some of it up. We were 1 block away from home! None of it got on me. Or so I thought... Lets leave that one alone. I wasn't sick, nor did I fall into any bushes/coffee tables or gardens. Those that know me, This is a good thing!!!
We had a good time! :)

My Mr Smartie!

Zachie is writting so good! I just love it! He did this tonight himself. For those that don't know my boyfriends daughter is Zoey. He's so cute. He didn't even ask me how to spell it. Smartie pants! I caught him red handed....

Parenting

No wonder they have a magazine dedicated to it. I NEED ADVICE, ALL THE TIME!

I am writting about this because its whats on my mind right now.
Being a single parent is really all I have ever known. I knew it was going to be difficult but I didn't realize how difficult. I got divorced from Zach's daddy when Zach was 9 months old. I lived with my parents for 6 months after that. Since this time when Zach was almost 1 1/2 years old, I have had my own place. I was torn with discipline because I didn't have anyone to fall back onto. I have been very hard on Zach. I have never been able to say "Im telling your dad when he gets home"... Although I think my X and I parent very well in seperate places. I am not saying that. We discipline the same so Zach knows what is expected. This being said. Being a single parent SUCKS!!!!!!!
I always feel I have already let Zach down. I have put him in this situation of not having both parents in the home at all times & have just expected him to deal with it. I get frustrated with him & more times than not, It has nothing to do with him. It has everything to do with stress, money, my own relationship problems etc. I feel under constant scrutiny from my family because I have had to miss Zach's baseball/soccer games to be at work. Or because it is not my "holiday" to have him, I feel as though I am being judged. I feel like im not getting credit for being a "Full Time Parent" because I dont always have my child. But when I do have him, Its ALL ME. Always me reading to him, Always me making sure he is fed, Always me making sure he is entertained, clean, happy. Discipline is ALL me too. I feel its all or nothing, and it SUCKS.

Recently I have been reading about discipline in the home. I have some concerns about this. I read about the difference between "intrinsic" & "extrinsic" motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, they will receive money, a toy or priviledge if they do the task. If you are always rewarding your child with material things, he/she will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.
I think I do both of these. I do reward Zach for being good while getting his picture taken or not acting up while he is with me at an appointment. But I am torn because I am constantly telling him "NO" you can't have a new movie. NO you can't have a new toy. NO you don't need a treat everytime we go to the store.

Having 2 families has its pros and cons for a child. Some of the PROS are: 2 Christmas, 2 birthdays, double toys, attention. This year we decided to not split halloween anymore. It is Jakes year. Zach keeps asking why he doesn't get 2 costumes this year for halloween. I feel he has been too spoiled this way. I dont want to have a spoiled child...
I do not think Zach is spoiled though. ??
He is so good. I know I am probably bias, but hes such a good boy & so cute too!

"Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He'll get over the disappointment of having been told "no." But he won't get over the effects of being spoiled" I agree with this statement. It is from Dr Phils website, where I always read about parenting. (LOL)

"It's easier to give in than to argue about it." This is a true statement. It is very hard to hold your ground about no snacking before bedtime because you didn't eat your dinner. No nightlight tonight because you got out of bed after I said NO. No drinks before bed because you had an accident a few nights ago. I hate always having to be "the bad guy" to Zach, I feel like a horrible parent :( Its Little things like this that I am constantly taking away & he is so sad. Yet I can't give in or he will continue to whine everytime... IT SUCKS! I know this isn't just a single Parent thing. This is a every PARENT thing.
I just feel like I suck. He is so forgiving of me & my faults. He is all hugs, No grudges. I love how innocent a childs love is. It is a blessing to me, and I am trying to be better.

Most of you know I have moved in with my boyfriend. He is great! & thats probably where this blog is coming from because he has a daughter & we are trying to blend our families. I feel like im starting all over & Im so insecure, and im second guessing the way I have always parented, because what works for me, may not work for us. I know others have blended families and I am grateful for everything I have. And very happy! Its just something on my mind. I just hope my best is good enough, because thats all I can do.

My answers!

For anyone who read it but didn't comment here are my answers. Hah. I forgot all about this...

1.After I had my son Zach I had no bladder control and pee'd my pants at Target at the checkout because I sneezed, it was really bad because I did not have zach with me, so I just looked like I had major issues!
This is a fib! After i had my son I didn't have any bladder control. That is true, But I only pee'd my pants at my own house. Luckily!

2.In my last relationship I sent one of my friends to hit on my boyfriend to see how he would react to her. He was rude to her but she told me he wasn't and then I didn't know who to believe anyway!!!!!
This is a fib! I would not be in a relationship with someone if I didn't trust them. Who seriously does this???? haha.

3.When I was a small one, about zachs age I would stick ABC gum everywhere and never throw it away so my mom grounded me from it. I did not like this so I started to steal gum from the grocery store and eat it all behind the shed at my house so my mom didn't know.
This is Truth! I would put the entire gum package in my mouth and chew it for a min so my mom wouldn't catch me. I would steal her gum from her purse or anywhere. Behind the shed. LOL like a smoker or something...

4.While married & pissed at my husband I got online to his fantasy baseball league and sent a bunch of trade requests because I was sick of him spending so much time online.
This is fib! Obviously I was pissed at my husband for being online and having 8 fantasy leagues one year. But I didn't log onto his account!

5.One time at college me and my roommates decided to play a game to see who could drink the most water in an hour. I lost. But my roommate ended up going to the ER....I guess that means she's the winner?
Fib! This actually happened to my neighbor!

6.I keep an avid journal and write details about my relationship and when that relationship has come to an end, and I am over it I write the person from that "chapter" a letter, with everything I want to say and give it to them. Then burn the "chapter"....Closure.
Fib! I do keep an avid journal. Not so much anymore. But I used to. And I do have detailed things in them. I have written a "letter" to my X's... in the journal. And left it in there.. Under any circumstance would I ever give a letter to my X. I am a firm believer in making them think you don't care! Hah. However I probably would like to get into the state of mind and burn all 11 of my journals asap. I wouldn't like Zach to read them!!!

So there ya go!:)

5 fibs 1 truth about ME!

So I got tagged by my cousin on her blog... this one!!!

Kiss the Cook

Last week I:
*Worked 70 hours
*Got written up :P
*Cried 4 times... LOL
*Threw a mani tantrum 3 times
*Almost backed into the tree in our front yard when leaving in the morning
*Ran 2 red lights...
*Read the same book to Zach 128 times (yes im exaggerating!!! The Incredible Book Eating Boy) Must read. So cute!
*Stopped my diet :( Not at the weight I was hoping for but still down 16lbs. It was too difficult to stay on while moving because you have to plan every meal and there was too much going on. FAIL :(
*Didn't go to the gym
*Zach spilled chocolate milk on my new hand wash only rug... sweet!
*dyed my hair
*Struggled with this sign:

I love it. I picked the colors and the font and all that...Well pretty sure putting up vinyl is harder than it looks, and this is crooked LOL... Its not terribly noticable so Im leaving it. But I was freaking out. Hence one of my mini tantrums...
But now I am off to figure out what to cook. Since I actually have people to cook for now!! I ♥ it!!!!

SERIOUSLY?

Ok for real. It is the 21st century. Dont you think this moving thing is a bit barbaric? I DO! Can't we do something else besides throwing all of our shit into a box and moving it from point A to point B??? There has to be a better way.........

LOL wishful thinking. I am sick to death of moving. Everytime I move I throw away so much stuff and then again and again. Where is all this shit coming from?????????
Lord help me. I have 2 days left to be out of this apartment and I think 219 dust bunnies moved in when I tried to move out.

;)

i heart him

My cute boyfriend.

We are moving in and of course have to be out by the 1st (Which in my case turned into the 4th bc my landlord is a major B, and although I told her I would be out... i didn't give written notice until the 4th... DO NOT GET ME STARTED.. and she is prorating the rent for the 4 days as well....)
Anyway...
He took work off today and moved everything from his whole apartment except kitchen stuff and big stuff since he'd need help. He tells me he is basically done and now can help me, Because last time I checked im pretty sure I haven't lifted a finger towards moving :(
He also is going to fix my *$&#*$ car this weekend because it decided that with so much going on it would fail emissions.
I also just adore him because he calls me beautiful in the morning & he tells me 'iloveyou' in his sleep. I also LOVEEEEEEEE and this might be my favorite thing.... How at Zachie's baseball games his eyes light up. LOVE IT!
I am happy and was leaving my X's house. He says.. "Hey. did I miss something?"... "uh. No"... "Well Did i do something stupid... ".... (Hahaha. DO NOT open that box...)... "Uh. No."... "Well you are acting funny.".... "Well this is what me, happy, looks like........." ........ "Uh.. Ok Cya" LMAO!!!!!!!! He didn't recognize that behavior from me. LOL
Today I did take a box from work though to pack. It is sitting in the middle of the floor....empty.
Can I just say that moving is the most overwhelming thing to me. I dont even have alot of stuff to go through. Ive only lived here for 1yr and 4 months. I just dont know where to begin.
We went to have dinner at our new place tonight. Ummm no plates. forks. cups or any pans to cook. Haha. We had to go buy plastic stuff & we ate in camping chairs. Technically Together we could stay at 3 different places now. But this is not a Motel 6. It sucks!!!! One place has Nothing except a bed. One place has Stuff, Kinda. but no furniture and One place has everything you need in some kind of jumbled fashion so you cannot find it. I seriously stopped cleaning over a week ago because I am stressed out. LOL.......this didn't help!!!!
I lie. I did throw a bunch of crap into a big box for the garbage. But I can't lift it. How productive of me.
Anyway, you may or may not hear from me until I have FINISHED MOVE #11. Yes. #11!!!
and I will totally spare you posting the video with those cheesy lyrics "movin on up... to the east side. movin on up. I finally got a piece of that pie..."

Mmmmm pie........

TRY THIS!

Oh my!!!! So my coffee problem-o was just solved!
I was not liking Black Coffee
I was not liking Unsweetened Tea
I was not liking Stevia, Truvia etc.
I was not liking that I can't have Starbucks Seasonal Coffees. What kind of punishment is this?
So I heard that if you put a tea bag in your coffee maker it will flavor your coffee.
HOGWASH I thought because tea has to steep for a few minutes. Well I did it today with a peppermint tea bag.
IT WORKED LIKE A CHARM!!!!!
Now I can have my coffee and tea at the same time :) Plus my bath. Because lets face it I like all my addictions in one place so I tend to take coffee & music into the bathtub with me. I cannot help it!
On another note. I AM FINALLY MOVING!!!!!!!!!!
TOWNHOUSE IS > APARTMENT! Can't wait to decorate :)

Diet update

Hey its me speaking from HELL........
It is my 10th day of the HCG diet, I am in hell. I dont feel like ive had results from how hard it is to follow this diet. I have lost 9 pounds. Haha. I realize that is a Lb a day. But It came off really quick at first and this week has been pretty much a stand still. I can tell a slight difference in my face. The HCG is suppose to target your problem areas. Apparently HCG views my face as a problem.. along with my chest. Bc I know I shrunk there too! The places I view as problems apparently aren't!!! I told myself I would stay on it for 6 weeks at first so I have a long ways to go. I at least need to give it til the first week of Oct. Im telling you I am not wearing a fat suit this Halloween! Joel, my Bf.. calls it the Hot Call Girl diet. hahaha. I wish I was his call girl ;) He's been trying to support me on it and eat overall healthy. I feel like he's lost more weight than me :(
This is why I decided dieting is so hard. Because human nature is to want things we cannot have. Im a natural born rebel.. So if someone says "dont do this" Im way more likely to want to... to think about it all the time...a nd then to do it! Maybe thats just me. But I have wanted to eat things on this diet that I never would want if I weren't dieting. Just because I CAN'T I want it that much more!!! Ie: Ramen Noodles with Pepperoni in it. I dont even like Ramen. I buy Pepperoni to put on my salads and in Pasta bakes. But now I want it in Ramen with Ranch. I dont even like Ranch. And what I just described eating is gross. But I still want it right now! Also. I am not pregnant. But I wanted to make a Peanut butter and turkey Sandwich earlier! :(
Hahahaha. This made me laugh...

& Here's to day 11.... FML.

Sinner?

Does anyone else have issues with their parents? Apparently they hate me now.
Namely my mother. She is so Black/White. She is disapointed in me to the Umph degree for choosing to move in with my boyfriend in 3 weeks. People do this all the time....
Something about rushing it. Well weve been dating for a year now. My X was married for 10 months already at that time. Rushing to get married is ok. But dating someone for a year then moving in is NOT. ????????????????????????????
Something about me giving Zach permission to shack up. Well mom im pretty sure last time I checked he didn't need permission from me to live with someone. Especially at the age of 28... She can't be serious?
Something about she thought I would want to have a good family someday and teach them right from wrong. Pretty sure I can have a good family if we are not active LDS. Does she realize alot of familes outside of Utah raise good successful children with no church background? iguessnot. Also pretty sure I would teach them right from wrong. Just not in a classroom setting. Really mom?
Something about my sister and I ruining the long line of believers in the family because none of her offspring or their offspring will follow in it. I am pretty sure I have let Zach go to church with his father since day 1. I do not care if he goes or doesn't go. I don't care if he chooses to go on a mission/get married in the temple. I am proud of him and his life. He is a good boy so far (mwahaha). She can't support me? I do not do anything to hurt anyone or myself.
Something about how I am confusing Zach. His dad follows the church and I do not. Well I think its good for him honestly, To be able to see that everyone is not one way. And its OK to be yourself. And however you ARE. is OK.
Something about the 10 commandments being set in stone from hundreds of years bc.I couldn't remember what they all were LOL I just looked them up. hahaha.... Im not sure why she even said that now. The only one I dont do is keeping the sabbath day holy. I have not done anything to any neighbor LOL. btw Drinking Coffee/Tea/Wine isn't a problem. Coffee/Tea/Wine are good for your body. When I was married since it states something about consuming hot beverages I would get Iced Coffee & Tea. This would tick my X right off. Yet he never could tell me why that rule was even in there.
Also something about her thinking I would "come around"... Excuse me. I went to an LDS church for 22 years of my life. I have come around. hahaha. Sorry I am really not trying to offend anyone. Since I have my choice of free agency I am using it. The church even wants me to do that, Yet she's pissed?

Have a good day everyone~

I have a dream....

Yea so im really not going MLK Jr on you...
So I had this dream the other night. And interpreted it on Dreammoods.com... Are you ready for this? hahaha.

So I was running a marathon... I know right? and all of a sudden this really old lady like maybe in her 80s caught up to me... I got mad and told her not to run with me because she was throwing off my pace. She starts sobbing uncontrolably and begging me to take her where she needs to go.

*To dream that you are running in a marathon, represents life's journey and how you are performing or feeling. It is symbolic of your endurance and willpower
*To see someone else crying in your dream, may be a projection of your own feelings onto someone else.

I finally agree to take her where she needs to go if she stops shadowing me and stops crying. She is bugging me. I am now in a train station underground. Much like a subway... and I am Drunk. I am completly wasted and all of a sudden wearing 80's running gear and running all crooked and laughing and pointing out to the old lady that if my shoes come un-tied I might eat Sh*t. (hahahaha)

*To dream that you are drunk, signifies your carefree nature and jovial disposition. Alternatively, the dream suggests that your inhibitions are hindering your creativity. You need to let loose.
* a train means that you are very methodical. You need to lay things out specifically and do things in an orderly and sequential manner

Then I see my good ol' friend Elzard at the train station. (Here we are in real life)

E, is very chill, environmental, rides his bike everywhere & seriously hates Myspace/Facebook etc...
ANYWAY, I tell him OMG. Im so glad to see you this crazy lady needs a ride and I cant give her one because I am drunk... He tells me no problem I know her! She is my friend on Myspace. (LOL) and my car is right up there I will give her a ride for you. (LOL)

*To see friends in your dream, signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge.Alternatively, dreaming of a friend, indicates positive news.

Then I was asleep on a park bench like a bum with a gold locket around my neck... (this was like a massive gold locket. Like I was flava flav!!!!)

*To dream that you are sleeping, denotes peace of mind. Alternatively, it means that you are happy with the conditions and circumstances around you.
*To see or wear a locket in your dream, signifies a long lasting relationship. The dream may also be a pun on "lock it". Perhaps there is something that you need to keep safe

I loved all these interpretations and it makes sense to me now... In that weird 80's emotional/intoxicated flava flav New york minute marathon kinda way....
Ps I bet an old lady WOULD catch up to me in a marathon..... Seriously. Haha.

My deal with the devil.

Im starting HCG diet today! I am writting about it on my blog because its way embarrasing to FAIL when everyone knows about it. This will be my 3rd bout with this diet, I did it in January and lost 20. and 2 years ago I did it and lost 27. Im wanting to lose 25 this time but Id be happy with 20. Those that aren't familiar with this diet I will complain about it now....
*No oil/lotion/makeup of any kind bc it throws off the HCG
*500 calories a day
*Men can eat 650 calories a day when they do it. Women lose half a pound a day. Men lose a whole pound... Really? God must be a man! hahahaa....
Those are the main things that suck. Mainly the first one. WTF... I have exzema and can't use my prescription lotion or I wont lose weight that day. You would think that eating such a small amount of calories you would lose anyway. But I have actually followed this diet to a "T" and gained weight. How frustrating! The reason my title is making a deal with the devil is because that is what it is... Total mind over matter! My social life suffers while on this diet because you can't just eat something. You have to cook everything and plan for every meal. Work also sucks while on this diet, since I am up at 4am and already wanting to eat... I need to pace myself. Also you can have Coffee & tea but no sugar or artificial sweeteners of any kind or dairy. Excuse me. I love my coffee but I hate it black. So I just have to forgo that altogether.. Also I really like tea. But not without sugar! :(
The reason for doing it right now is because I love halloween and want to dress up. Its not my year to have Zachie so I can go out. I hate those pictures that surface after such events... ya know, the kind where you are looking good... but in every picture you look nasty fat..
or
super Oompa Loompa like. Yea that kind. I don't want any of that surfacing this year!!!
Wish me luck!!! :)

Zachs first day of School!!!

Kindergarten watch out!



He did so awesome! I asked him if he wanted me to walk in with him and he said no. I just pulled up to the drop off zone and he jumped out! After school I just pulled up and he ran over to the car! Getting so big! I love how independent he is getting :)
No, I didnt cry. Im actually confused as to why anyone would be sad about their kids getting older. I love it! He is cute as ever. Way to go Zach!

My Shoe Renovation!

So I know I have blogged 4 times in the last 3 days and I am sorry but I just was so excited about this...
I got these Nast shoes for $5 a year ago... and I liked the peep toe, and they fit pretty comfy..Which I have big feet so this is a good thing!! But they are so UGLY I never wore them. I kept looking at them. then I wondered if I could paint them? I figure they were $5 so if i ruin them who cares right???
I think the paint will stay on because I used a Plastic paint for the outdoors.
Before:

After:

It took me less than an hour...
Told my Lovey that we have to go out now so I can wear them... :)

P.M.

I know that I just posted but I am annoyed.
Here is what needs to happen:
ME.BE.BETTER. Project ME.. hahaha. (Hence the P.M...LOL)
I have so much potential that I am not using. I have shut down the last few years trying to make ends meet for Zach & I that I don't do anything for myself. I need to do better @gym. @Work. & I need to go to School. Its so hard to find the time for me to do that. I want to paint a picture. I want to learn to read music. I want a high tech camera to take better pictures. Be debt free. I want to take a cooking, sewing class. I want to make Sushi. I want a house. I want to travel. I want to start a business. Pay it forward. I want to write a book. Get more sleep..(haha it is 1:22am) All these things are SIMPLE things... I mean they aren't unatainable...

I do not want to... look back and realize I didn't do any of it!
Now I am not unhappy, I am very happy with my life & how things are going. But I know it can be so much better! I am rejuvanated to be better, Im not trying to be a cheeseface. But really I am.

Im in the red.... :(

My Happenings.

Last night I went to Candlelight Serenade Acousitc Festival at Thanksgiving Pointe. $40 a ticket & they weren't selling alcohol, the lady at the door let us in for $20!!! (How nice of her...) It was a benefit for the child sex trade in America. It was a good time but also after listening to the music, They would show a movie or tell a story about a child. It was not something I would normally like to hear about all night long + pay to hear. I understand it needs attention but I almost cried a few times...
Originally I was going to post a video of one of the bands I took a liking to since it is SONG SUNDAY (haha. I am a nerd....) But YouTube didn't like me to do this, seeing as how all the songs were embeded disabled. SO FINE. The one I am posting is my MOST PLAYED SONG on my ITUNES.

*Playcount 212.
My Playcount is not accurate. seeing as how my computer died and I had to get a new one and redownload Itunes and start over. But still.
*It is also the only LeToya song I have on my Itunes.
*I would not recognize this girl if she were in the same room as me... It is just funny that I am obsessed with her ONE song.
*I got this song from the SLOW JAMS- THE DIFINITIVE COLLECTION. I am laughing about this right now... Because I Love SLOW JAMS but didn't know I had this!!! I just searched the album and the other songs on it have no play. I am playing it now!!!

In other business. I do not know what to do with my child...He thinks that he needs to pull a face everytime a camera is out. Not cheesy smiles. I hate this.
EXHIBIT A

EXHIBIT B

& EXHIBIT C

I sure hope this passes soon :(

5 Things...

I stole this...

5 things i did yesterday:
-Glazed a new end table for my living room
-Read recipes online
-Worked from 4am-930am. (um best shift ever)
-Made a new playlist
-Cuddled with Zachie.

5 things i wish i had:
-MONEY!!!!
-a skinny bod without trying!
-Straight hair...
-A house
-A cat or maybe two

5 things i am looking forward to:
-Moving.
-The iced coffee im about to go buy!
-This weekend :)
-My work bonus, If we ever get it?
-New Jeans for winter!

5 things i wish i could do:
-Go on vacation as much as my sister
-Dance in front of people without anxiety
-Lay out everyday
-Write a book
-Get into school and get a degree. What is my deal?

And this is completley unrealted to this post but I would just like to say that I got a new manager at work and she hisses at you if she is annoyed or whatever. yes she Hisses. Like an oversized angry cat. When we asked her "did you just hiss?" she said she got it from Avatar how the girl Avatar hisses when angry and its very therapeutic... Im sorry but now I need therapy. I wonder if that is covered under workers comp???

Song Sunday... On Monday...

I chose this song because it showed up on a playlist that Itunes Genius made.
This song has HAUNTED ME since my SR year in HIGH SCHOOL, and when it came on I just smiled. Which is awesome. The reasons it haunted me are:
*I was dumped by my boyfriend over the summer... The first song I heard after it was.... THIS DAMN SONG! then I got out of the car at the gas station & was stung by a bee. & put way too much gas in my car and it squirted out all over me. Yes, Then later I ate some fish and it gave me food poisoning. I was hugging the toilet that day. LOL
*Secondly I met my X's X... some crazy ass girl that was coinsidently working with me... and guess what song was on???? THIS ONE!!!!
*I got in a huge fight with my college roommate because I was immiture and lame.. but that aside.. As I left the house in a fit of rage THIS SONG WAS ON!!!!!!! What the?!?!
*Years later, while married I got in a fight with now X, and left mad... got in a car accident.. in my aftermath I realized this DAMN SONG was playing. Not kidding.

Marc Anthony I so do hate you. Well I used too!

Work @ Home?

Excuse me WORK FROM HOME advertisements. GET OUT. Im sick of all these pop ups about how great it is to work from home.

Having a child at home is a FULL TIME JOB!!!!!!!!

You cannot get work done with your CHILD ON YOUR LAP!!!!!!

Child would NOT be content either. Yes that is fine Jr. Please let me get 2 sentences typed with my 1 free hand. chew mommy's phone. WTF.

Now I know that people do work from home. I get that. But Im sure its more like "Ok the kids are getting up at 8ish so I have to get up at 5 to get a few hours in. Then at the nap I will work a few more hours. Then when my husband (if they have one....) gets home Ill work a bit more" Or they work all 4 hours of PT work at night after the kids go to bed... I swear I am at my wits end with these stupid ads. Work is work weather its at HOME or the OFFICE. GET REAL!!!!!!!! actually LMAO its probably worse to work from home cuz then you are ALWAYS home. No escape! hahahaha.....

Moving Time...

You know you live in the ghetto when....
Your neighbors are storing a matress on their balcony....

Other neighbors have a canoe on the side of their balcony. and its been there for about 5 weeks. I should pawn it.

And lastly as I was coming home I saw 3 people sitting out on the balcony eating dinner with TV TRAYS. Side by side style. Ummm.... No. lets not do that. If you want to eat outside go to the park across the street... Or have enough room for a picnic table.

Time for me to get the H. E. LL outta here....

I am Paranoid!

BEYOND a reasonable doubt!
Lets just talk about how afraid I am of other people for a sec....
Im not sure why. Its not even that Im scared of people. Im scared of people LOOKING at me. Haha. How Juvenile!
But this has affected me my whole life. I come off as being rude but Im really so nice. Lots of people have told me their first impression of me was so wrong... Really? I have this phobia of people looking at me, and feeling judged by everyone. Im not sure if this is because of the way I was brought up in the church and them pounding into my small brain that "someone was always watching"... Or what my deal is?
This particular post is because I am deathly afraid of going to the gym. LOL I know right?! I have been a few times, I even got a membership so I am paying to go be judged. (thats what I feel like) I am not stupid I realize nobody cares. But I am breaking a sweat before even entering the building. I realize it is Summer. But thats not why. Its because I feel like im in a fish tank the whole time Im there. When you can feel someone looking at you, and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up... Yeah, THE WHOLE TIME im there, its like that!
This is also a problem at Drive Thru's... I would never go thru them because I thought the person was making fun of me when her speaker wasn't on. HA HA! AS if... I care what that person says about me at the Starbucks? Or do I????? Since I had Zachie I have almost got this phobia under wraps bc it is a huge pain to get him out and back into the car. SO I do use the drive thru. But I use to have the person in passenger yell orders over me. Because I hate it that badly!!!!
I view myself as someone who has a good head on her shoulders, and my self esteem isn't bad. I am very good at seeing stuff for exactly "WHAT IT IS"... I know that nobody is even seeing me at the gym. Im like a spider in there. 20eyes. Im looking around constantly. Can't even get a good workout, Im too stressed out about Joe Schmoe in the corner and the Barbie he's trying to get with, LOL.
I think that a personal trainer would benefit me while starting at the gym... it has been a few years since Ive had a membership. I get a trainer for free... But could I use it? ABSOLUTLY NOT!!! Why you ask? Because he WOULD BE LOOKING AT ME!!!! Thats his JOB! and judging how I was doing. I can't handle all this stress....
When they tried to assign me one the other day I freaked on the manager saying I didn't need one. Sorry & Thank you. And took off mid convo. He was probably wondering WTF my deal was... Too Anxious. I had to go into the bathroom for 5 min.
I also have this problem with Singing or Dancing while anyone is around. I would not like to draw any attention to myself. Zach is the only other human who has heard me sing on a regular basis. I was married to my X for over 3 years and not one note ever snuck out. I never even sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY out LOUD. Because heaven forbid my family might hear me.... What the hell????
My bf has been trying to break me out of this shell and he has helped a lot. I have danced a little with him when we go out. But seriously it is awkward because I am all the sudden wearing cement shoes and can't move my hips AT ALL!!! It doesn't matter how much I have drank. The hair on the back of my neck is standing on end!

I think this is why I love cats. They are always sneaking around on their tummies. acting like you dont exsist... but they know you're looking right at them!!! LOL
WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE??? Take anxiety meds?? I might get to nervous to take them. LOL!!!!!