Sunday, February 3, 2013

My 3 Epiphines.

Firstly. Am I the only one who thinks something & then thinks I've just had an epiphany? I am going to tell you about my epiphanies. I had 3. I am on a roll!!! ;)
*Sleeping 10hrs during the DAY is equivalent to sleeping 5hrs at NIGHT.
*Being Judged is different than being held accountable.
*Cockiness & Confident. 2 very separate things.
OK #1: I just started working graves and it has been a serious adjustment. I kind of thought I could handle it, ya know, working while Zach is sleeping then having him in the day because I work 4 tens so I have 3 days off. Well HAHA on me. I don't get any sleep & while I do have him all I want to do is sleep because I am ass tired. I am aging 5yrs a week with this schedule. Working 10hr nights then sleeping 5 hrs days is making me a zombie!!!!!! I am so effing tired & really can't get any sleep. I slept 12 hours last night & starting wanting a nap 3 hours after I got up because I am that out of it. I really do like my job & appreciate the fact that I am able to work in an environment that doesn't make me want to cut my wrists. & I also recognize that its never going to be perfect with work & juggling kids. I just can never catch a break.
#2 I have been "judged" on multiple occasions & multiple circumstance. OR so I thought "judged" Idk if what has happened has really been a judgement or necessarily what I've done has been commented on. I realize the difference. I have done a lot of stupid shit & when people have asked ya know, why did you do that? or why would you do that? or even that's really stupid. I have felt judged by them. BUT I realize its not necessarily a judgement because what I have done has not been the smartest thing ever. Its merely their opinion & what they are allowed think of said thing. I am close to a lot of people & when I have gotten these responses I'm like generally like "what the hell?" "I can't talk to you." But in all seriousness they are allowed to say or think whatever they say or think. I hope I can be a good parent and not respond this way because I want my children to feel like they can come to me & not feel any kind of way. BUT I also know my children will do things that are wrong & I am also allowed to think "What the hell?" its a very fine line. I have always felt equally judged & commented by my parents. & for that I Cheers them for raising a well rounded person. (Hopefully i am. And I feel that I am.)
#3 I was always attracted to confidence but cockiness is gross & not ok. I want to raise confident children but not cocky ones. So the difference: Cocky:  Overly self-assertive or self-confident. Confident:  self-assured. Very bold.
OK so not that different but in social situations very different. Cocky people are thinking they are the best thing ever and Confident people KNOW they are the best thing ever. HAHA!!!!!! But they aren't douchey about it. That makes no sense and in blogland it probably sounds redic but seriously. I want my son to be the best at Math or English whatever he is best at. And the best at Baseball or Basketball that he can literally be. & know that he is. Not thinking he is the best when he really sucks & disrespecting girls & people because he thinks he is better than them. I really think building a self confidence in kids that is REAL. based on REAL accomplishments is better than telling them GOOD JOB on seriously everything they do. This is one of my pet peeves. Applaud your children or spouses or friends whoever, on real things they do well. Don't automatically say "good job" because your kid drew a picture. SO DUMB!!!! I hope Zach doesn't think I am rude but I tell him "Holy crap Mr! that doesn't look very good!" because it looks like crap & I know he can do better. I want him to be real & understand that he's not going to get false praise forever. Luckily his Dad is the same way! LOL or I would be seriously mean right now.
Anyway I would totally love to hear your epiphanies or anything else you think of mine. Because feeling like I totally came up with something is probably just a matter of opinion, which I am fine with, because it is mine :)!!!!!!!!