Wednesday, October 27, 2010
My Mr Smartie!
Zachie is writting so good! I just love it! He did this tonight himself. For those that don't know my boyfriends daughter is Zoey. He's so cute. He didn't even ask me how to spell it. Smartie pants! I caught him red handed....
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Parenting
No wonder they have a magazine dedicated to it. I NEED ADVICE, ALL THE TIME!
I am writting about this because its whats on my mind right now.
Being a single parent is really all I have ever known. I knew it was going to be difficult but I didn't realize how difficult. I got divorced from Zach's daddy when Zach was 9 months old. I lived with my parents for 6 months after that. Since this time when Zach was almost 1 1/2 years old, I have had my own place. I was torn with discipline because I didn't have anyone to fall back onto. I have been very hard on Zach. I have never been able to say "Im telling your dad when he gets home"... Although I think my X and I parent very well in seperate places. I am not saying that. We discipline the same so Zach knows what is expected. This being said. Being a single parent SUCKS!!!!!!!
I always feel I have already let Zach down. I have put him in this situation of not having both parents in the home at all times & have just expected him to deal with it. I get frustrated with him & more times than not, It has nothing to do with him. It has everything to do with stress, money, my own relationship problems etc. I feel under constant scrutiny from my family because I have had to miss Zach's baseball/soccer games to be at work. Or because it is not my "holiday" to have him, I feel as though I am being judged. I feel like im not getting credit for being a "Full Time Parent" because I dont always have my child. But when I do have him, Its ALL ME. Always me reading to him, Always me making sure he is fed, Always me making sure he is entertained, clean, happy. Discipline is ALL me too. I feel its all or nothing, and it SUCKS.
Recently I have been reading about discipline in the home. I have some concerns about this. I read about the difference between "intrinsic" & "extrinsic" motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, they will receive money, a toy or priviledge if they do the task. If you are always rewarding your child with material things, he/she will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.
I think I do both of these. I do reward Zach for being good while getting his picture taken or not acting up while he is with me at an appointment. But I am torn because I am constantly telling him "NO" you can't have a new movie. NO you can't have a new toy. NO you don't need a treat everytime we go to the store.
Having 2 families has its pros and cons for a child. Some of the PROS are: 2 Christmas, 2 birthdays, double toys, attention. This year we decided to not split halloween anymore. It is Jakes year. Zach keeps asking why he doesn't get 2 costumes this year for halloween. I feel he has been too spoiled this way. I dont want to have a spoiled child...
I do not think Zach is spoiled though. ??
He is so good. I know I am probably bias, but hes such a good boy & so cute too!
"Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He'll get over the disappointment of having been told "no." But he won't get over the effects of being spoiled" I agree with this statement. It is from Dr Phils website, where I always read about parenting. (LOL)
"It's easier to give in than to argue about it." This is a true statement. It is very hard to hold your ground about no snacking before bedtime because you didn't eat your dinner. No nightlight tonight because you got out of bed after I said NO. No drinks before bed because you had an accident a few nights ago. I hate always having to be "the bad guy" to Zach, I feel like a horrible parent :( Its Little things like this that I am constantly taking away & he is so sad. Yet I can't give in or he will continue to whine everytime... IT SUCKS! I know this isn't just a single Parent thing. This is a every PARENT thing.
I just feel like I suck. He is so forgiving of me & my faults. He is all hugs, No grudges. I love how innocent a childs love is. It is a blessing to me, and I am trying to be better.
Most of you know I have moved in with my boyfriend. He is great! & thats probably where this blog is coming from because he has a daughter & we are trying to blend our families. I feel like im starting all over & Im so insecure, and im second guessing the way I have always parented, because what works for me, may not work for us. I know others have blended families and I am grateful for everything I have. And very happy! Its just something on my mind. I just hope my best is good enough, because thats all I can do.
I am writting about this because its whats on my mind right now.
Being a single parent is really all I have ever known. I knew it was going to be difficult but I didn't realize how difficult. I got divorced from Zach's daddy when Zach was 9 months old. I lived with my parents for 6 months after that. Since this time when Zach was almost 1 1/2 years old, I have had my own place. I was torn with discipline because I didn't have anyone to fall back onto. I have been very hard on Zach. I have never been able to say "Im telling your dad when he gets home"... Although I think my X and I parent very well in seperate places. I am not saying that. We discipline the same so Zach knows what is expected. This being said. Being a single parent SUCKS!!!!!!!
I always feel I have already let Zach down. I have put him in this situation of not having both parents in the home at all times & have just expected him to deal with it. I get frustrated with him & more times than not, It has nothing to do with him. It has everything to do with stress, money, my own relationship problems etc. I feel under constant scrutiny from my family because I have had to miss Zach's baseball/soccer games to be at work. Or because it is not my "holiday" to have him, I feel as though I am being judged. I feel like im not getting credit for being a "Full Time Parent" because I dont always have my child. But when I do have him, Its ALL ME. Always me reading to him, Always me making sure he is fed, Always me making sure he is entertained, clean, happy. Discipline is ALL me too. I feel its all or nothing, and it SUCKS.
Recently I have been reading about discipline in the home. I have some concerns about this. I read about the difference between "intrinsic" & "extrinsic" motivation. Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, they will receive money, a toy or priviledge if they do the task. If you are always rewarding your child with material things, he/she will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.
I think I do both of these. I do reward Zach for being good while getting his picture taken or not acting up while he is with me at an appointment. But I am torn because I am constantly telling him "NO" you can't have a new movie. NO you can't have a new toy. NO you don't need a treat everytime we go to the store.
Having 2 families has its pros and cons for a child. Some of the PROS are: 2 Christmas, 2 birthdays, double toys, attention. This year we decided to not split halloween anymore. It is Jakes year. Zach keeps asking why he doesn't get 2 costumes this year for halloween. I feel he has been too spoiled this way. I dont want to have a spoiled child...
I do not think Zach is spoiled though. ??
He is so good. I know I am probably bias, but hes such a good boy & so cute too!
"Your child does not have to love you every minute of every day. He'll get over the disappointment of having been told "no." But he won't get over the effects of being spoiled" I agree with this statement. It is from Dr Phils website, where I always read about parenting. (LOL)
"It's easier to give in than to argue about it." This is a true statement. It is very hard to hold your ground about no snacking before bedtime because you didn't eat your dinner. No nightlight tonight because you got out of bed after I said NO. No drinks before bed because you had an accident a few nights ago. I hate always having to be "the bad guy" to Zach, I feel like a horrible parent :( Its Little things like this that I am constantly taking away & he is so sad. Yet I can't give in or he will continue to whine everytime... IT SUCKS! I know this isn't just a single Parent thing. This is a every PARENT thing.
I just feel like I suck. He is so forgiving of me & my faults. He is all hugs, No grudges. I love how innocent a childs love is. It is a blessing to me, and I am trying to be better.
Most of you know I have moved in with my boyfriend. He is great! & thats probably where this blog is coming from because he has a daughter & we are trying to blend our families. I feel like im starting all over & Im so insecure, and im second guessing the way I have always parented, because what works for me, may not work for us. I know others have blended families and I am grateful for everything I have. And very happy! Its just something on my mind. I just hope my best is good enough, because thats all I can do.
Monday, October 18, 2010
My answers!
For anyone who read it but didn't comment here are my answers. Hah. I forgot all about this...
1.After I had my son Zach I had no bladder control and pee'd my pants at Target at the checkout because I sneezed, it was really bad because I did not have zach with me, so I just looked like I had major issues!
This is a fib! After i had my son I didn't have any bladder control. That is true, But I only pee'd my pants at my own house. Luckily!
2.In my last relationship I sent one of my friends to hit on my boyfriend to see how he would react to her. He was rude to her but she told me he wasn't and then I didn't know who to believe anyway!!!!!
This is a fib! I would not be in a relationship with someone if I didn't trust them. Who seriously does this???? haha.
3.When I was a small one, about zachs age I would stick ABC gum everywhere and never throw it away so my mom grounded me from it. I did not like this so I started to steal gum from the grocery store and eat it all behind the shed at my house so my mom didn't know.
This is Truth! I would put the entire gum package in my mouth and chew it for a min so my mom wouldn't catch me. I would steal her gum from her purse or anywhere. Behind the shed. LOL like a smoker or something...
4.While married & pissed at my husband I got online to his fantasy baseball league and sent a bunch of trade requests because I was sick of him spending so much time online.
This is fib! Obviously I was pissed at my husband for being online and having 8 fantasy leagues one year. But I didn't log onto his account!
5.One time at college me and my roommates decided to play a game to see who could drink the most water in an hour. I lost. But my roommate ended up going to the ER....I guess that means she's the winner?
Fib! This actually happened to my neighbor!
6.I keep an avid journal and write details about my relationship and when that relationship has come to an end, and I am over it I write the person from that "chapter" a letter, with everything I want to say and give it to them. Then burn the "chapter"....Closure.
Fib! I do keep an avid journal. Not so much anymore. But I used to. And I do have detailed things in them. I have written a "letter" to my X's... in the journal. And left it in there.. Under any circumstance would I ever give a letter to my X. I am a firm believer in making them think you don't care! Hah. However I probably would like to get into the state of mind and burn all 11 of my journals asap. I wouldn't like Zach to read them!!!
So there ya go!:)
1.After I had my son Zach I had no bladder control and pee'd my pants at Target at the checkout because I sneezed, it was really bad because I did not have zach with me, so I just looked like I had major issues!
This is a fib! After i had my son I didn't have any bladder control. That is true, But I only pee'd my pants at my own house. Luckily!
2.In my last relationship I sent one of my friends to hit on my boyfriend to see how he would react to her. He was rude to her but she told me he wasn't and then I didn't know who to believe anyway!!!!!
This is a fib! I would not be in a relationship with someone if I didn't trust them. Who seriously does this???? haha.
3.When I was a small one, about zachs age I would stick ABC gum everywhere and never throw it away so my mom grounded me from it. I did not like this so I started to steal gum from the grocery store and eat it all behind the shed at my house so my mom didn't know.
This is Truth! I would put the entire gum package in my mouth and chew it for a min so my mom wouldn't catch me. I would steal her gum from her purse or anywhere. Behind the shed. LOL like a smoker or something...
4.While married & pissed at my husband I got online to his fantasy baseball league and sent a bunch of trade requests because I was sick of him spending so much time online.
This is fib! Obviously I was pissed at my husband for being online and having 8 fantasy leagues one year. But I didn't log onto his account!
5.One time at college me and my roommates decided to play a game to see who could drink the most water in an hour. I lost. But my roommate ended up going to the ER....I guess that means she's the winner?
Fib! This actually happened to my neighbor!
6.I keep an avid journal and write details about my relationship and when that relationship has come to an end, and I am over it I write the person from that "chapter" a letter, with everything I want to say and give it to them. Then burn the "chapter"....Closure.
Fib! I do keep an avid journal. Not so much anymore. But I used to. And I do have detailed things in them. I have written a "letter" to my X's... in the journal. And left it in there.. Under any circumstance would I ever give a letter to my X. I am a firm believer in making them think you don't care! Hah. However I probably would like to get into the state of mind and burn all 11 of my journals asap. I wouldn't like Zach to read them!!!
So there ya go!:)
Friday, October 15, 2010
5 fibs 1 truth about ME!
So I got tagged by my cousin on her blog... this one!!!
To do this...
to be honest I probably was going to steal it anyway because I liked it. But thanks Mandi, Now I do not have to be a theif in my blog!!!!
It is 5 fibs 1 truth about me.
1.After I had my son Zach I had no bladder control and pee'd my pants at Target at the checkout because I sneezed, it was really bad because I did not have zach with me, so I just looked like I had major issues!
2.In my last relationship I sent one of my friends to hit on my boyfriend to see how he would react to her. He was rude to her but she told me he wasn't and then I didn't know who to believe anyway!!!!!
3.When I was a small one, about zachs age I would stick ABC gum everywhere and never throw it away so my mom grounded me from it. I did not like this so I started to steal gum from the grocery store and eat it all behind the shed at my house so my mom didn't know.
4.While married & pissed at my husband I got online to his fantasy baseball league and sent a bunch of trade requests because I was sick of him spending so much time online.
5.One time at college me and my roommates decided to play a game to see who could drink the most water in an hour. I lost. But my roommate ended up going to the ER....I guess that means she's the winner?
6.I keep an avid journal and write details about my relationship and when that relationship has come to an end, and I am over it I write the person from that "chapter" a letter, with everything I want to say and give it to them. Then burn the "chapter"....Closure.
I really would like it if
Linds
Andi &
My sisty did this....
But anyone can do it. its fun + I did say you can so you aren't stealing!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Kiss the Cook
Last week I:
*Worked 70 hours
*Got written up :P
*Cried 4 times... LOL
*Threw a mani tantrum 3 times
*Almost backed into the tree in our front yard when leaving in the morning
*Ran 2 red lights...
*Read the same book to Zach 128 times (yes im exaggerating!!! The Incredible Book Eating Boy) Must read. So cute!
*Stopped my diet :( Not at the weight I was hoping for but still down 16lbs. It was too difficult to stay on while moving because you have to plan every meal and there was too much going on. FAIL :(
*Didn't go to the gym
*Zach spilled chocolate milk on my new hand wash only rug... sweet!
*dyed my hair
*Struggled with this sign:
I love it. I picked the colors and the font and all that...Well pretty sure putting up vinyl is harder than it looks, and this is crooked LOL... Its not terribly noticable so Im leaving it. But I was freaking out. Hence one of my mini tantrums...
But now I am off to figure out what to cook. Since I actually have people to cook for now!! I ♥ it!!!!
*Worked 70 hours
*Got written up :P
*Cried 4 times... LOL
*Threw a mani tantrum 3 times
*Almost backed into the tree in our front yard when leaving in the morning
*Ran 2 red lights...
*Read the same book to Zach 128 times (yes im exaggerating!!! The Incredible Book Eating Boy) Must read. So cute!
*Stopped my diet :( Not at the weight I was hoping for but still down 16lbs. It was too difficult to stay on while moving because you have to plan every meal and there was too much going on. FAIL :(
*Didn't go to the gym
*Zach spilled chocolate milk on my new hand wash only rug... sweet!
*dyed my hair
*Struggled with this sign:
I love it. I picked the colors and the font and all that...Well pretty sure putting up vinyl is harder than it looks, and this is crooked LOL... Its not terribly noticable so Im leaving it. But I was freaking out. Hence one of my mini tantrums...
But now I am off to figure out what to cook. Since I actually have people to cook for now!! I ♥ it!!!!
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